Darkness Is Back

I met up with some old friend over last weekend. While I love them to bits and I miss them, they inadvertently make me feel like a tremendous loser.

4 friends and multiple kids, 2 more are with child, they’ve been on holidays everywhere and seem happy where they are.

Here I am, struggling financially due to IVF costs, and I can’t afford to take my wife anywhere meaningful. I can’t even go somewhere nice to eat regularly without it cutting into me secretly. I hate my job and I’m severely underpaid.

I really, really don’t know, if like the saying goes, “it shall pass” because it doesn’t feel like it at all. I’m getting myself dragged deeper into depression and the last time I tried to talk about it to Emily, it didn’t end too well. 

Now I’m depressed and also lonely.